Archive for August, 2010

Please Stay…

Posted: August 31, 2010 in New Poetry, Poetry
Tags: , , ,

No

Don’t slip away

Please stay

Take the clouds with you and take the rain

But I’m not ready to face the day

My scars are still aching

And my tears are not yet dry

And the only form of comfort is the glittering stars

And the ones you send shooting by

With the sun my mind gets hazy

But when darkness falls your creativity amazes me

The canvas of the night is still the only thing that can phase me

My brain is blank

And my thoughts have gone dry

I need the inspiration only you can provide

I need your ink in my life

I need your dark interpretations to fuel my pens precipitation

This drought is not what I’m about

But their doubt fertilizes my dreams

I just need you to rain down on me and help me sow the seeds

I’m not too sure where this road leads

But With you

Its all seems just right

And with you

I can open up my mind and just write

Pull out my pen and stroke the page all through the night

No

Don’t slip away

Please stay

I cant deal with it alone

I don’t know how to handle myself when you’re gone

I always tell myself it wont be for long

And every night I pray for the winter

To come quicker

When there’s a shorter distance between the time

I have to wait for you to be mine

But in the meantime

Its almost like I have to squeeze lines

From the essence of my consciousness

With you I know I can conquer this

My pen is mightier than any sword

But without you I’m armor less

You’re my nighttime love affair

The last addiction that I cant quit

Please don’t end it like this

Don’t slip away

Please stay

Advertisements

Introspection…

Posted: August 28, 2010 in Uncategorized

Im going to post some more poetry tomorrow, but first….

****

I think it’s about that time again.

One of those times when I write a long note about all the thinking I’ve been doing and the personal grown I’m experiencing, blah blah blah. Except this isn’t really that kind of note. This is a get it together note. A step up or step the fuck off kind of note.

For you.

The person reading it.

I will never claim to be done cleaning out my closet, because the personal growth stage in a persons’ life will never be done. But at some point you have to realize that more than just cleaning out your own closet, you have to clean out other parts of your life as well. And I’ve been putting off that part for far too long. Going through the same situation and reacting the same way every time is a form of insanity, but I’ve learned that God will put you through the same thing until you learn what you need to learn. And what I needed to learn is that everybody aint for me.

For years and years I’ve been pulling myself every which way so that I can help everyone who ever thought they might need some assistance from me, inconveniencing myself and people who do/should be able to rely on me for people who don’t deserve my time. And I’m done with that. For years I’ve been making all this effort to find people, to keep them around, to show that I’m concerned about them and how they’re doing and living when they’re not prepared to do the same thing for me. And I’m done with that.

If you’re reading this and you think it’s about you so far, it could be. I have a few specific people in mind, but it’s more general than you probably think. If you are somehow feeling some kind of conviction however, as if I am secretly talking about you, then look at yourself in the mirror and start asking some hard questions.

The point is, I’m no longer going to be trying to keep people in my life who don’t want to be there. There’s been a few situations in my life relatively recently, going as far back as a year or two and as recently as this month that I have been going through and ignoring for what they really are. And then some recent conversations and situations have really made me realize that it’s been God trying to show me that some people are toxic, and I don’t need people like that around me, near me, associating with me because in the end its just going to hurt me and damage me in the long run. Normally tho, I would be still trying to keep you around. Whoever you are, I would be ignoring those faults, ignoring the fact that you’ve been ghost until you needed something or that you’ve never given me a reason to trust you, yet I tell you more than you need to know. And that’s done with. And I’m gonna make mistakes. It’s me being human. I make mistakes in judgment, make incorrect assumptions, don’t trust people whom I should and do trust people I shouldn’t. For that I apologize. I truly am sorry if I make an incorrect assumption about you and what you are to me, but right now this is self preservation time, and I have to be sure about people before I let them stay around anymore. But truly, I’m no longer making excuses for people.

If you don’t want to be around, then don’t stay. If you can’t find a reason to be here, in my life, then don’t look anymore, I’ll give you a reason to leave. I have too much going on this year, too many things I need to accomplish and too many goals to try and worry about why everyone isn’t still here. It’s time for me to let God do the job that he’s been trying to do for a long time now. And that’s clear the air, clean out the closet, trim the fat, and remove some people who don’t need to be around. I’m done trying to fill empty spaces with people.

This has been a long time coming. I’ve been avoiding it for a long time, but guess what? Here it is.

And really, this isn’t really just something I need to do. If you’re reading this, you need to examine your own life. Don’t try to keep someone in your life who aint trying to be there. You gonna end up stressing yourself out and hurting yourself in the end. Additionally, don’t try to keep someone around who doesn’t deserve to be around. That’s not to say everyone has to earn your time, but you need to think of yourself and your time as important as it is. In the end all we have on this planet is time, and it’s on a declining scale that’s not getting added to.

Additionally, to you in particular. The dynamics of our relationship have changed. Ive been trying to pretend like that haven’t, but ive been lying to myself and lying to you and everyone else who know us. After what happened, there is no more normal as much as you want there to be and as much as I pretend there is. Ive truly been trying but im not pretending on that anymore.

To you, if the only time youre gonna hit me up is when you need something, then you can really step the fuck off and back up away from me. Find somebody else to be your damn banker, miracle worker, all that shit. You got other people you can hit up for that. Ill still come around and help when I can, but I got too much to do for you to be playin around with me and my time.

To you, I want you around, but if you don’t want to be I cant do anything abou that.

And to you. You’ll probably never see this. But after 5 years, Im really done chasing you. No matter who you are, Im not gonna try to force you to call or write of do what you should do naturally. If you even knew the things that I’ve done to try and find you… But that’s over now. And if you’re somehow surprised that I have nothing to say to you right now, you’re living in a dream world and I hope that you wake up soon.

The moral of this story is step up. Or step off. The choice is up to you. And if you can’t make the choice I will make it for you.

Yes, it’s like that.

It’s time for a new me, and this is the first step on that road.

Morning Glory…

Posted: August 24, 2010 in Uncategorized

SO theres this girl right….

Naw. thats for another time. Ive been promoted to 1st SGT for the Bison Battalion Army ROTC this semester. Its day 2. I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. Today I got up and forgot how to march a platoon. I mean, I forgot ‘left face’. Platoon is just marching and im drawing a blank on ‘left face’. I literally drew a blank. Its gonna be a long semester, but I think im gonna do fine. Im still coming at it with the ‘BRING IT ON’ kinda attitude. Im still going to be trying to do some writing everyday or close to it, putting out new poetry and such.

Which brings me back to this girl…

Its been a while since I wrote something that was specifically with a single person in mind. Lately its all been general or reminiscent, but this one is about someone specific. I might post that sometime soon. We shall see…

Later today or tomorrow however, I will Definitely be posting another poem from the Trio I submitted to the Hobble Creek Review. All the poems I sent to ‘The Smoking Poet’ are still under review as far as I can tell however, so I will of course keep you posted on the progress of that.

Til next time.

About a Muse…

Posted: August 22, 2010 in New Poetry, Poetry
Tags: , ,

I step up to the microphone

Open my mouth

And dead air comes out

Eyes wide

Palms sweaty

Wetter than a broken Louisiana levee

Chest is getting tight and my

Breathing is getting heavy

And I wake up and realize that

Once again you’ve left me

I cant function without you here

But clearly those words fell deaf onto your ears

I try to

Pen my fears

And paint with my tears

But its just not the same

When I don’t have you near

It’s a shame that you treat this like a game

But you treat me like an orphan without a name

Late nights

You leave me feeling so abandoned

So alone

Even though I’ve been here before

I still don’t quite know what to do when you’re gone

Like any man

I have needs I need catered to

And when desire strikes at night and your nowhere to be found

What am I supposed to do

Trying to find reasons to explain you leaving

Or is it myself I’m deceiving

That the cause of your repeated fleeing and I have no relation

But your constant flight and my pen have some correlation

Addicted to the chase

And you to running

My pen constantly pushed by your constant

Tests of my cunning

But once you’ve stopped running

And I’m celebrating that I Finally found you

In the same moment I realize that I lost you too



****

Kinda makes you think a little bit of Eminem doing Lose Yourself huh? Another poem will be coming very soon, look for it midweek.

And yes, I apologize for the wait, but a lot of things have happened this week. But that is for a later blog. Early morning tomorrow so I must see you all later. Goodnight if its dark, good morning if its dawn, good day either way.

#WyclefCandidacyWas

First Time for Everything…

Posted: August 18, 2010 in General, New Poetry, Poetry

Greetings Readers.

My last post, almost 3 weeks ago, I talked about my first ever poetry submissions to publications. Well, as is expected in the writer community, I soon got my first rejection.

On August 12, The Hobble Creek Review sent me this;

Dear Terrance:

Thank you for thinking of Hobble Creek Review. Unfortunately we will not be taking any of your poems for our next issue. I want to wish you the best in placing your poems in the near future.

Sincerely,

J***** E****, editor

So I have 3 poems that I wrote, but were rejected.  One of them I submitted to another publication so I can’t publish it anywhere yet, but the other two will be published, one at a time, before the end of the month. So get ready. One will be up before the end of this week.  Be on the lookout.

I have to admit before I go, getting a rejection letter did sting as much as everyone said it would, but still more than I expected. I know the stats and ratios and odds of getting published, but  it can still get to you a little bit. But the importance of the process is to get back up and do it again. And so, I’m still writing, and will still be looking for more publishers and presses to submit my work too.

Keep the faith.

August 1

Posted: August 1, 2010 in Uncategorized

It’s the 1st of the month.

There are two e-zines and a small press who are currently accepting submissions of poetry for the next 15-30 days.  Over the next  Week I’m going to be editing, polishing, and submitting.

This is what it all comes down to. It’s entirely possible that none of the places I submit too will accept my work. But that’s not the outcome I’m preparing for.

Because of First Rights, I can’t publish any of the things I’m submitting here. But after either 1) My work is accepted, published, and I get the rights back, or 2) My work is rejected, I will publish what I sent in. I have to say I am really proud of what I’m submitting, and i cant wait for you guys to see it too.

Out